The most agonizing word there is

The word if. Only two letters but so powerful and so destructive it can be. It is often used with word What. What if. What if. What if.

What if I didn’t drop out of that college. What if I came earlier that day. What if I kept my emotions under control. What if I approached that girl that night at the bar. What if I spent my money differently. What if. What if. What if

Cruel question. It brings you into a world of missed opportunities and false expectations. Your real world becomes less happy as it is filled with these what if questions and therefore a possibilities of better life.

A person can never be quite happy with what he has as long as he thinks he could have had more. Lingering about something imaginery, real life passes by and cherished happiness never comes

Love and Religion

Two themes that always fascinated me. Both are ellusive and contradictory. Both have either devoted followers or strict deniers. There are not many people that lie somewhere in between. People that accept all the contradictions and pecularities of religion and love yet also believe wholeheartedly. So what is it that makes these two themes so interesting

Religion

How can you prove that god exists you can ask a believer. In general he will not say any fact based information. Talking in general terms and referring to people that have been to coma and that they all describe something similar. Bright light and feeling of calmness. Man has been to cosmos, oceans, underground caves. Nowehere has he seen so called god. There are a lot of injustice in the world. I lost my dear friend when he was 23. He never did anything bad to other people, at least no more bad than we all do. There are wars, illnesses and natural disasters that injure and kill a lot of innocent people.

Love

What is love? Is it feeling when all you can think of is another person. You want to be near him. You want to be one with him. I heard such words many times from my friends and none of them is still dating that person they were talking about. So is love so shallow? Kind of a physical reflex like desire for sex or food that is quenched really fast and then it is gone until the next time your body requires love. If so it seems to be rather weak feeling for so many literature and films be devoted to it.

Once I heard a smart person talking about religion. If I am not mistaken it was on program by Vladimir Posner (Theirs Italy) and the person was atheist. She said for me religion is in spite not because. In spite not because. Let us ponder about it. They key to both love and religion is faith. What is faith then?

If you are presented with irrefutable evidences that something exists and you accept it as so. Is it faith? You simply acknowledge the fact that there are such and such evidences and most probably it is impossible that this can be untrue. Faith on the other hand is leap into darkness. You can only see meter or so in front of you. After that there is total darkness. If you decide you believe that you will land safely on the other side and you jump, this is then faith. Something you do or think or feel without having evidence that you are right. In that respect faith in love must be stronger than faith in religion. When you believe in religion, although there are not enough evidences you can look at all those believers and say that so many people cannot be all wrong at the same time. When you are faced with love you are there alone. You need to understand do you love a person or not. Is there love for you to that another person. All the other people on earth feel different kind of love. Each one unique to him and her.

So if you find yourself in a situation where you come home from long day on work. You are tired and you try to eat, but…But you are bombarded with different kind of questions by your second half some of which are completely irrelevant for the coming decade and you still have to answer them enthusiastically or she will go thermonuclear on you. That is the moment when you can understand whether you love her or not. If you know all this is happening see your relationship for what it is and have seen all facets of character of your second half some of which may be not so pretty and you still sitting there not wishing to end it all, then you can be pretty sure. You love her.

if you‘re not willing to sound stupid you don’t deserve to be in love – A Lot Like Love

P.s sorry to all believers. I trully envy and respect your choice. I myself a not sure about where I am on a believing continuum

Coffee in our lives

It appears that coffee originated in Ethiopia thanks to curious goats. The legend of Kaldi has it that Kaldi being a goatherd one day noticed that his goats ate some berries and afterwards refused to sleep. He took these berries to the local monastery where they made a drink out of them. The drink was coffee.

Coffee – an undeniably popular drink. Attitudes toward coffee vary from strictly negative, to very positive to negative but cant live without it. So what does the science say?

People in white coats say

Coffee is in general good, it stimulates your brain both in short term and long term. It helps you burn fat and increase intensity of your workout. It is healthy for you liver. There are other positive effects from coffee like decreased risk of alzheimer and parkinson.

Coffee also have negative effects. In general its effects are associated with stomach. It is also said to affect heart and stress levels.

All this can be easily read from the internet. The main thing I want to discuss is why people drink coffee at all?

Take me. I dont even like the taste of coffee. I dont like hot beverages because I am way too impatient to sip something. For this reason I also dont like cold beverages. I never drank coffee until I started working. What is it then? Peer pressure?

I came to the conclusion that it is the way coffee breaks your day into slow and manageable pieces. Lets be honest, a lot of work in any occupation is mundane and repetitive. When you do something often enough it is sometimes hard to get started on a task. You procrastinate and procrastinate until the dead line is imminent and you have to scramble everything in a quick and unsavory fashion. Such method breeds error and work unsatisfacton. But once you have an option to pour some coffee, mundane work suddenly turns into a pleasant act of drinking and thinking. You slowly drink coffee, all the world stops around you. Your fast paced world of tweets, mails and instagram posts suddenly comes to a halt. You can do something productive because you entered into a relaxed and calm state of mind. I for example rarely drink coffee outside from work. I love doing it on the workplace and it acts like a Pavlov’s reflex for me, alerting the body that workday or workweek has just started.

The day of any person is just a collection of routines whether you like it or not. And if coffee allows you to enter into a productive, stress free condition, I would opt out to drinking it. The bad side everyone is talking about can actually be generalized to anything. Shot of vodka or glass of wine once per week is good for your health, it unclogs your arteries and relieves stress. Marijuana is proved to help from mental illnesses. Moderate amount of stress increases rather than decreases your productivity. You see where I am heading. Moderation is they key, coffee by being just another product is not an exemption

thank you guys

have a nice, productive week

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work – thomas edison

Helping Others

Good morning and everning my dear friend

Today is friday and it means that for the next two days a big part of the world will fall into a two day slumber. Some will go onto alcoholic frenzy, som will go on an active relaxation like hiking someone still will work or just sleep. Good weekend to everybody.

The theme I picked today is helping others because today is friday and people are in uplifted mood and when someone has good mood it is easier to induce good behaviour. But what it gives to you, this good behaviour, helping others and being social person in general. I know people who always think about themselves and enjoy high standard of living and seem quite happy in general.

On the other hand I know people me included who help others. I know partially why I do it. It is hard for me to say no. I dont like disappointing people. Thats my greatest flaw. I was content with people not liking me in college or high school. I did everything on my own and never required any assistance. Right now, I still am loner. I really like doing things by myself without external assistance, but politics came into play. I help people so that in future if I require something I will not feel guilty by asking. Truth is, I almost never ask. I always feel that no one owes me nothing, and I try not to ask anything. I am very sensitive to negative answer so I never ask. That is one of my greatest flaws and the one that prevents me from entering into relationship I guess.

On the other hand I like helping people because we all want to be accepted. That is simply in our nature. Helping others makes me more attractive to others. Make them like me. In future they try to be liked by me. Reciprocity principle.

Does it worth it? I am not sure. I in general came to the conclusion that if it is not hard for you but will make a difference in somebody’s life, do it!  I just have to warn you. People are often not grateful at all. They take kindness for weakness. They get accustomed to good deeds very fast and they start requiring more and start acting worse. I usually react quickly on that kind of behaviour making it clear to a person that I help not because I feel him to be superior to me. I feel he may use my help and it leaves me where I am (i.e costs me close to nothing). But its doesnt work always, sometimes I feel bitterness towards others and some even say that I myself induced this pig behaviour by being attentive and kind.

In conclusion I can say. Be kind. Be attentive. Be helpful. BUT, be prepared that it will not be appreciated. It often goes unnoticed. I helped people a lot of times and never heard them saying thank you, or that I had a hand in it when they tell stories. Just be above it. Try to live your life as a respected human being. Never ask of anything, give all out to a point where you can sustain it. Because every villain was once a hero. Exactly by being kind and helpful you start to see how ungrateful people can be.

you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villian – The Dark Knight

Fear of failure

Success and failure. What separates one from another. Which is more scary success or failure? How to overcome it?

Failure is the scariest thing there is. I dreaded failure ever since I was a child. Though I have never been a golden boy who goes from victory to victory. I had mediocre grades in school except Math and English, and in both subjects I wasnt the best. Just good. I wasnt good with girls and still am not. I failed a lot of times (life still goes on) and still I am afraid to start something new because of fear of failure. So how do we defeat this fear that prevents us from doing stupid things but also that prevents us from doing things that will change our lives in a good way.

I think the main thing as in all matters I encounter through life is active, conscious thinking. Just knowing that by practice that failure is nothing to be afraid of doesnt help me. You have to repeat this idea in your head in a logical way. Not so long ago, maybe a 2 weeks from now I though that if I fail now I return to the state I was in 2010-2011. I had no money, no job. Nothing bad happened then to me personally. I read books, trained and in general went about my life as usual as always. Of course I could not afford a lot of things, but, it is clear to me and it always was that things are not a prerequisite for happy life. You dont have to believe me, just read newspaper about some millionaire that commited suicide. When I thought about it, gradually fear subsided, though it still is there and in a huge amounts. Fear of failure that is. But I realised, fail or no fail I would have great experience and life is all about it. Its not something that starts when you succeed. Its the whole road. I strongly believe that if you are unable to be happy right now, “things” will not bring you happiness. Happiness will always be in front of you but you will never be able to touch it. I genuinely hope I am not right!

In conclusion there is nothing new I can add to the theme. Stay Hungry Stay Foolish. Remember that in order to succeed one has to fail multiple times. This allows him not only to learn on the way and realize that this is something he really wants, but also to be psychologically prepared for success. A lot of young prodigies that propel into stardust overnight are unready for success and get a mental breakdown. Abusing alcohol and heavy drugs. So my friends, try try try. If you fail life will not end, but if you succeed, life will be enhanced. Its good to risk “nothing” for something. (i am not talking here about risking your family life or your kids, my advices for single young adventurers)

Fear is a friend of exceptional people (sorry i dont remember where i got this)

Spending Time

Quite recently I was talking with a friend who wants to do everything. Party on Friday, go on a jog on Saturday morning, have fulfilling relationships, have one night stands, drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, have incredible health, have six-pack abs an eat burgers every day. Well life is about doing what you want isnt it? So is he right here?

I thought somewhat similar until probably the 4th course of the undergraduate degree. I studied and I partied. In the end I finished University with Second Class Degree Honours but, I know I could have done better. But Second Class is also fine isnt it? So I didnt take notice and further in life I continued working, working out and drinking alcohol all at the same time. Then I started noticing that I get results but they are mediocre or too slow. I wanted more. I started analyzing and suprisingly answer came from an unexpected source. If I am not mistaken, I read one of Tom Hardy’s interviews where he said that by alloting time to one activity you take away time from another. Simple idea right? But it hadnt occured to me until then. I thought I was young and invincible. I thought that general rules do not apply to me. But, in reality we all have 24 hours a day, out of which we sleep from 6 to 10 hours. So we are left with 14-16 hours a day for productive activities. If we also substract time for commuting between work and home, time for eating, time when our attention drifts we will probably get at something like 8 hours a day. Not much. So I thought is it all so hard, and one has to be focused in order to achieve desirable heights. I started learning and researching timetables of different athletes, prodigys and businessmen. And I came to the conclusion that Malcolm Gladwell provides us with. There are no geniuses in this world. Genius is the person who has or had enough discipline to tediously practice/learn and then practice some more and learn again. Discipline is the key for high achievements.

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment – Jim Rohn

Hubris

I am currently going through a “tough” period in life.

My relationship never being ideal broke down (I hope temporarily). I did some mistakes on my job. I sleep poorly mainly because I stay up late. I eat unhealthy and untimely. In general I do not do things that will bring me to success in the long run. Whats happening?

When being on vacation I started rereading my favourite book “Hannibal and Me” for the third time. The book is just an encyclopedia of wisdom. Wisdom in every aspect of life. It is both entertaining encapturing and yet incredibly useful – rare combination. Right now, I touched the subject of hubris in the book. Hubris is overconfidence brought about by success. Person looks at situation and evaluate the probability of failure as too low, and probability of success as too high. This leads him to make irrational decisions, and more success the person gets, more distorted his view becomes, unless he makes it an exercise to check his hubris every once in a while. I suppose it was also written in this book that Romans had a tradition that whenever a victorious general entered the city, behind him on his chariot stood a man and whispered to him “memento mori” – remember you are mortal. Thats how important romans thought the hubris was.

I noticed it in myself. Whenever I win romantic battle I become placid. Whenever I do my job properly I start sharking. I know a lot of people who due to their previous seccesses became clumsy.

So the message of the day (and today is Friday) is this – always be humble, never think you will win just because you won before. Life is like a stock market, random walk. Never estimate future performace by past one. Always strive for excellence and plan meticulously no matter how easy the situation is.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish – quote Jobs took from some journal he read (sorry cannot recall)

When to surrender?

Nowadays it is often said that winners never quit and quitters never win. Another popular knowledge is that when you do something you are destined to do, the whole universe helps you. There is an obvious contradiction between the two common wisdoms.

The first one says that you should always fight until the end, never acknowledging your defeat, as Bruce Lee said – defeat is a state of mind.

The second one says that in essence if you have the idea to quit, maybe its something wrong you are doing. Maybe you should not do it altogether.

So which one do we follow?

People can be generally divided into two broad categories, one group thinks that life is joy and everything should be easy, following the path of least ressistance. The second group (which includes myself) thinks that nothing worth having in life can be acquired easily.

My line of thought ends here, but I promise to revisit this post and make it more coherent. Right now I am just trying to “fly” as many hours as I can

Managerial Secrets

Today when siting on a work meeting in the morning it dawned on me that management is one of the hardest subjects to master.

Never liked books on management. A lot of water, not enough substance I thought. I come from field of Economics and mathematics where everything is more or less “logical” and straightforward. Managerial books on the other hand offers a lot of graphs, charts and other stuff which I trully and deeply do not like. Every single day there is a new article on how to motivate your employees and often it contradicts to the one which came out year earlier. Try to figure what works then..

In my idea books on management should be a collection of case studies (in fact that what they do in MBAs). Each case study should bring home some theory behind the action. Not pie charts that you dont see in real life.

The post came out chaotic and uninformative, the way I see management right now. Probably I am not knowledgable enough to write on this yet, or not in the right state of mind. The reason I write nevertheless is that “practice makes it perfect”

Recently searched for one phrase on dieting which involves bicycle. Instead I found this one – “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”

Lets say a new start

Dear reader (if there are any)

I really like to write, I am not sure though if I am any good at this. But, the surest way to excell at something is many hours of practice and then when you are tired, practice some more. So I will do what I preach.

Right now the theme that is on my mind is change. What is change and should it always be implemented?

We all face obstacles in our lives. When we face them we have few options. Try to fight it without trying to change anything about ourselves. Try by not trying anything either expecting obstacle to subside or abandoning this road altogether. Or, trying to change our perspective on things, so that obstacle becomes opportunity.

Lets talk about each in more detail

Fighting

Fighting is a lucrative way to battle obstacles because popular literature praises it all the time. Fighting bad and unwanted outcomes develops grit in a person and grit is arguably a major predictor of success of a person.

There is of course bad sides to fighting. First of all fighting anything head on requires huge amounts of energy and battle may leave a “winner” exhausted. Second fighters often develop what is called “fixed” mindsets, whereas they are not open to new ideas that contradict to the ones fighters’ already have.

Abandon

Abandoning the idea when you see an obstacle is kind of a theory of least resistance. In essence the idea is that if something is too hard, then it is not meant to be. You better abandon this way either for now or foverer. Nowadays you will not hear much about this option. It sounds like surrender and no one wants to be a “quitter” because winners never quit and quitters never win. Right? Well not exactly. Sometimes it is better to keep your cool and not waste resources and energy on something pointless. Wait for the right moment by doing something else and then return back to this road when obstacle is lifted by itself.

The downside to this option is that it is a very personal thing to judge when something is pointless and hopeless. History has many examples when person overcame unthinkable hardships and emerged winner on the other side. If you abandon too early you risk not choosing any road at all

Change

The third option is somewhere n between the two extreme options above. You do not fight head on with the problem and you do not abandon your way. You try to think how should I change myself or circumstances around me so that the obstacle becomes an opportunity. It is the most elegant yet the most hard way. Changing oneself is easier said than done. First of all it is hard to see why you have to change something that has worked good for you so far. Second of all even if you realize change is inevitable, you need to know where exactly change is to be implemented. It is a constant job of scrutinizing oneself and tweaking small details. And in theory it should be done every single day, not when you already hit the wall. Another hard thing a person might encounter when trying to change himself or his business is that person feels fear to lose his “identity”. Here you need to remember that we are all here to learn and “create ourselves” and not be someone we “trully are”. We “trully are” whoever we need to be, to be happy.

Of course there is also a downside to this option. You should consider what road you really want to stay on and for what or who you are willing to change. If the thing is a minor part of your life that doesnt affect you much but requires massive amounts of energy to change, then maybe forget about it.

So to sum up. There are three ways to react to a problem. In fact there is only one. And it is change. Change incorporates both fighting and abandoning at the right moments. Sometimes you need to fight for something like your life depends on it and sometimes you need to understand that something is simply pointless and stop wasting your energy on it. The trick here is of course to know when is when. Well to say something that has been said thousand of times. Trust your heart. Trust your instincts.

the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught. – quote from Big Fish (2003)